I accidently stumbled upon the Daily Mail website today. I try to avoid it because it forces me to address my fate as a scary bra-burning zealot that the paper’s female journalists are always warning me about – where every man will eventually find me intolerable and repulsive, I’ll grow up sad and alone, sitting in my own piss, reading an ancient copy of The Female Eunuch to ease the emptiness left by the desertion of my man, who assumedly will have run off with a straight-talking, curvy woman who ‘lives in the real world’ – someone like Coleen Mcloughlin perhaps. But, anyway, I ended up there. Apart from the general Mail crud, which I successfully avoided, an article about ‘What men REALLY want’ caught my eye. Mainly because I’m fine-tuned to this kind of bullshit and it genuinely offends my intelligence and my gender. It was the usual crap – about men REALLY wanting a dark haired, big bosomed, size 14 woman. A woman like that person I can’t be bothered to learn the name of, from ‘The only way is Essex’. The word ‘REALLY’ is emphasised to show that the Daily Mail, in all its glory, is de-bunking the myth that men’s sexuality is individual to them and they actually find all different women attractive. NO! Men like ‘real’ women with ‘real’ bodies. And if you’re not that type, you’re ugly and unfeminine and you should sit in the corner and cry into your under-sized bra cups.
Firstly, before I start, I don’t have a problem with men fancying dark haired, big bosomed, size 14 women. Sexuality is completely individual and people are attracted to all kinds of different body shapes and appearances. What I do have a problem with is this media conveyor belt which preaches this destructive bile on a daily basis, with the defence that it is sticking up for ‘real’ women. Just because they’re not pressuring women to be stick thin and bleached blonde, doesn’t mean it’s not the same old, crappy way of controlling women’s self images and damaging any smidgen of self-esteem that they might have formed in the face of all this shit. The fact is, no amount of pressure about what men REALLY want is going to make you look like Kelly Brook, no matter how hard you try. If you are thin, you might just be naturally thin. If you’re curvy, you might have curves in all the wrong places. If you have no boobs, fuck it, you probably never will. And there’s no point in letting some self-righteous journalist make you feel that you are less of a woman because of it. I saw an article afterwards, assumedly from the same defenders of real femininity, on Kate Moss, modelling topless. Funnily enough, some of the highest rated comments criticise her ‘flat tyre’ boobs and how she’s just an ugly skank and certainly not a real woman with tits like that. Well, she’s doomed either way because if she gets breast surgery, then she’ll just be disgusting to you for a different reason. If you don’t fancy her, that’s fine, but don’t justify your backward, misogynist attitude by pretending that you’re sticking up for the way that women ‘should be’. Women come in all shapes and sizes and that’s the way it ‘should be’. It also suggests that, if women were the ‘correct’ weight, that their body ratios would be perfect. Trust me from my experience, if you never had big boobs, even a three-month forced feed at the Priory will not change that. You’ll have the correct BMI but that’ll be about it. And these attitudes are just as offensive to men, who seem to come across as some ignorant, hegemonic mass who have no individual sexualities. It is incredibly de-humanizing and makes out that we’re just big lumps of meat, walking around and accessing each other as other lumps of meat that we might want to bang at some point, but only if that person wears exactly the right size clothes. Not intricate, intelligent, amazing creatures with feelings, emotions and passion. So if you’re unsure if a woman is ‘real’, ask to see her vagina. Not straight away or she might call the police. But maybe after a few dates.